Bakin’ with the Bear: Poke the Bear Brownies

Back in the kitchen! This time to make bear brownies with an epic amount of flavour and calories. Here’s a blow-by-blow guide. I’ve borrowed the recipe idea from the site TheSpruce and have taken liberty with a few unrighteous aberrations. Just so you know, I have no idea what I’m doing!

The ingredient list:

  • Coconut Oil
  • 1 Cup of multi-purpose flour
  • 3/4 Cup o’ Cocoa Powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 100 grams of butter
  • 500 grams of dark chocolate
  • 5 large eggs
  • 1 cup of Molasses Sugar
  • 2 cans Poke the Bear
  • 2 mixing bowls
  • 1 large cooking pot
  • 1 baking pan
  • An eclectic beater
  • A radio station or random playlist
  • A significant other.

Let’s get started!

Clean your kitchen. Why? Because your kitchen will be a blank canvass for the unholy, chaotic mess we will make.

Preheat the oven to 190 C (~375 F) get a baking pan and grease it with coconut oil.

Create the dry ingredient mixture: In a mixing bowl, mix the flour, cocoa powder and salt like the madmen (or women) you are. It’s finished when you are thoroughly tired or when its evenly mixed (whichever comes first)

Chocolate Mix: Get that large cooking pot, place it on the burner on medium-low heat. Break off 500 grams of  dark chocolate. Break it into small chunks. Chuck 100 grams of butter in the pot. Stir slowly. Be sure to inhale the intoxicating chocolate fumes from time to time.

Egg Mix: Grab that other mixing bowl, crack open 5 eggs, chuck the eggs in (shells optional). Chuck in the molasses sugar. Put in the egg beater, put it on high until its big and fluffy.

Once your chocolate mix is all nice and melty, give it a good stir and add the egg mix. Stir until its nicely integrated:

Now add the dry mix. Get that egg beater, and put in on turbo. If your kitchen doesn’t remind you of this scene from Trainspotting, you are not doing it right. At this point, your significant other may be glaring at you for your artwork. That’s perfectly normal, no need to panic.

Finally the best part. Add one cup of o’ Pokébear (that’s what we call it at the Cartel). Pour about 150mls  into a glass. Smell that wonderful aroma, and take a big sip. Now your ready mate! Take your can and slowly pour the rest of the can in. Stir until it is fully blended in.

Once its blended in, pour it into your baking tray and put it into the oven for 27 minutes.

Remove from oven, and let rest for 10-15 minutes, unless you have a penchant for scalding your mouth with hot, chocolatey goodness. Enjoy with gusto, and pour that can of Poke the Bear to slake your thirst, you deserve it!